LIFE Podcast Show

[00:01] Intro/Dez: Welcome to the Life podcast, where we offer real hope to real people dealing with real life. We filter our thoughts through God's thoughts and our ways. Through God's ways, we pray. You're blessed by this podcast. Enjoy the show. We are back. Like, this is the Life podcast. Living intentionally for eternity, people. I'm joined by my guy, the creepy crawler himself, the smoothest man in the land, the one who levitates when he walks, the one and only Dave Oops. What's up, my brother? Good evening.

[01:18] Dave: I'm going to go ahead and embrace that. It's me, it's me. It's the creepy crawling guy.

[01:26] Intro/Dez: And I have my guy to my right, the sage, the wise one, Mr. E. What's up, sir?

[01:35] E: Hey, what's going on? How are you? It's coming back.

[01:43] Intro/Dez: Yeah.

[01:44] E: Okay.

[01:45] Dave: We got to give up two shots.

[01:47] Intro/Dez: I sit around and think about this stuff, and I really do. I really sit around and think about this. We are back again. This is the Life podcast where we filter our thoughts through God's thoughts. We filter our perspectives through God's perspectives, and we filter our views through God's views. Today we have a whopping on the show. We going to get practical. We always talk about application. Man, that stuff is good. All that theology is nice and the bird is nice. What does that look like in day to day living? So we want to talk about that today. Got some two wives. Got two wives, brothers that been through it. We still are covering divorce, manhood. Last week, if you didn't hear, we talked about if we only knew what we were getting into, well, how would that have been different? And then today we're going to be talking about just the practicalities of marriage and learning to live with one another, learning to live with your wife in an understanding way, as Peter said. And how do our shortcomings, mistakes and even sin, how the Lord has taught us, been patient with us, gracious and merciful towards us. So I'm looking forward to this show. We do plan to get out of your hair in less than an hour. Oh, yeah. Whatever that means. But today our life point is actually going to come from the Bible. Our life point today is coming from ephesian. It's the Book of Ephesians. Ephesian. Is it ephesians or ephesians? Ephesian, right. Yeah. Chapter four, starting at verse 17. This is dealing with living the new life. Now that we have been united with Christ, our lives should change slowly, progressively, but there should be sanctification taking place in our lives. And this is one of the passages that I love to go to that explains that the best. So verse 17 says, therefore, I say this and testify in the Lord, you should no longer walk as the Gentiles do in the futility of their thoughts. They are darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them. And because of the hardness of their hearts, they became colleged and gave themselves over the promiscuity for the practice of every kind of impurity with the desire for more and more. But that is not how you came to know Christ, assuming you heard about him and were taught by him. As the truth is in Jesus to take off your formal way of life, the old self that is corrupted by deceitful desires to be renewed in the spirit of your mind and to put on the new self, the one created according to God's likeness and righteousness and the purity of truth, therefore putting away lying. Speak the truth, each one to his neighbor. But we are, because we are members of one another. Be angry and do not sin. Don't let the sun go down on your anger and don't give the devil an opportunity. Then it continues. Let no foul language no foul language should come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need so that it gives grace to those who hear. And don't grieve God's Holy Spirit, you were sealed by him for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you along with all mindless. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiven one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ. Can I get it? Amen.

[05:36] E: Amen. Amen.

[05:38] Intro/Dez: It's just good to hear God's words sometimes, just to listen and just say it out loud.

[05:44] E: Amen.

[05:45] Dave: Amen.

[05:46] Intro/Dez: So today we getting practical. Job. I was just wondering, being a young husband with a young wife and a young family, I can't tell you how many times I've had to go to law and be like, am I really a Christian? Have you really started a new work on me? Because I don't see it at all. Who is this man?

[06:13] E: Right?

[06:16] Intro/Dez: I'm serious, though. I think nothing has challenged me more than being a husband and a father in life. I mean, I've been to college. I worked four jobs when I was in college to get the grades to graduate. That was hard. But that don't have nothing on this here. Nothing. And last week we talked about how Tim Keller said nothing matures character more than marriage.

[06:40] Dave: Right?

[06:41] Intro/Dez: So I have to be encouraged that the Lord is working in the dark, even when he's not telling me right then and there what he's doing, he's doing. And that's just the thought that I got to think about. But that's just me kind of opening my heart to say, man, this is.

[06:58] E: Hard.

[07:01] Intro/Dez: This is tough. But God never told me, and nobody ever got counsel about overseas. It was going to be easy that your love was to you through. Nobody thought you would say that, brother. Yeah, man, they let me know. And I think being in the throes of it, I just know on the other side is going to be great. Yesterday, just appease me for a second. My wife was just chilling me stupid sleep. I fell asleep on the couch and I woke up and to be able to get in the bed and just grab her and hold her, I'm like, that's just a beautiful thing that the Lord is that the Lord has given me.

[07:42] E: Yeah.

[07:42] Intro/Dez: And that she allowed me to just to put my arm around her head, on her shoulder and go to sleep. It's little things like that that the Lord kind of shows me is grace. It's big, though. It's big. So she's a blessing, for sure. But with this blessing comes a great deal of responsibility. So I'm just learning, like, be patient, take it easy. Not the end of the world because you don't understand it right now, being an athlete and being someone who just could pick up on stuff fast. It is not like that in marriage. And my cousin AJ always reminds me, he says, men are like wine. They get better with time. So over time, men get better. But that was kind of my antidote, my discourse on why I'm so excited to hear you all talk about the practical applications of marriage. So I kind of want to come out swinging. Okay, if you all don't mind. In marriages, we have this thing called I heard one guy the other day said he called it intense worship sessions. I said intense worship session. Then I picked up he was talking about arguments. I said, oh, okay. The things we label.

[09:22] E: Brother, that's bright.

[09:29] Dave: Where's the worship part coming from?

[09:33] Intro/Dez: That was dope. I said, okay, I've never heard that one before. But in marriages, we have these conflicts, and these conflicts grow and grow and grow. They become pregnant, and then it gives birth to destruction. So in a marriage, you're going to have disagreements, you're going to have conflict, you're going to have a division to some sort. So I just want to start off by just asking you all if that's a part of marriage. How did you all deal with conflict and arguments? I kind of phrase it as before, during and after. Only because you can see an argument coming. You know, it you know, a storm is brewing, boy. It's like, look it up in the clouds like, this going to be bad. You know, it so do you want to talk about now? If you want to talk about if you can take yourself back to when you were younger or when you were young, in a faith, how did you process arguments? Mr. Yeah, I'll start with you. When you argue, when you had an argument with your wife, how did you deal with it? When you saw it coming, what was your thoughts? What was your instance?

[10:49] E: Okay, I think for me, it was a matter of and I told you before, being married now, I have learned a lot, and I've learned that you learn. Your wife proverb says in all that, get an understanding, understand who she is, how she is. Some things you can see coming and you can avoid certain things. But the biggest thing is to check yourself and your heart first before you get to the argument. Because sometimes we have things that are going on that has nothing to do with our spouses and we are taking it out on them because they are the closest to us. And so we will attack them because we know they're going to love us anyway and so we'll attack them. So you always have to check yourself first and always remember when you love somebody that you're with and you want to see resolution, I want to see this resolved. I don't want to stay mad at you and you mad at me. That's not the end game. I'm not trying to have an argument so I can go out tonight. I really don't want to talk to you today, so I'm going to start an argument. Some people, we're laughing, but some people have that kind of mindset. And God never intended for us to seek out confusion and division. We're supposed to be seeking peace. Amen. And as men of God, we're supposed to be seeking peace. And that should start with us and not have to be based on what she does and how she responds. So when you see it, you check yourself first before you get to the argument or the argument situation and sit back and listen. We talked about this earlier, slow to speak.

[12:47] Dave: Right.

[12:48] E: Sometimes we don't even hear what is actually being said exactly. We're just coming straight at them because it's almost like, I got to be right. You got to be right. We're arguing about something and nobody's paused for a minute to even hear what we're arguing about.

[13:03] Dave: Exactly.

[13:04] E: Because many times we can say, this is not even worth arguing about.

[13:08] Dave: Right.

[13:09] E: But if I want to argue with you and we've been arguing, I got to prove to be right because some people always have to be right and that is not the way you want to be with just I got to be right many times. God is right. You said earlier, I remember the Exodus 14, I think it is. He says, the Lord is fighting for you. God is fighting for your marriage. So if you want resolution, he's going to help you because he's fighting with you for your marriage. He wants you to stay together. So if I'm making sure that I'm good, then I deal with that and I'm slow to speak, then, yes, we can go from there. That's the beginning going in. You could take it from here, Dave.

[14:00] Dave: Yeah. Back on a lot of that I definitely especially the part about checking yourself, understanding your emotions and your motives. But the most important thing is for me always, because I am very and I think I've said this before, I don't like conflict. I'm very non confrontational. So for me, it's a discussion that needs to be had for the most part. And I'm willing to discuss, I'm not willing to argue, right? Because like you said before, the goal is to resolve the issue, right? And what escalates it into an argument is the accusing not being logical, because one of us can understand women don't argue logically. It's not a lot of logic.

[15:04] Intro/Dez: He said that's, Dave.

[15:08] Dave: It's not a lot of logic involved. So a lot of times you can't even understand what we're arguing about because like you said, you want to win the argument, so you're willing to say.

[15:19] Intro/Dez: Whatever you need to say to feel.

[15:22] Dave: That you won the argument. And I'm sitting here going, what are we talking about? Because this is not even what the discussion started about. Now we get into the accusatory part of it.

[15:34] Intro/Dez: You always this and you always that.

[15:36] Dave: You always this, and I don't let them into that. Okay, so how do we fix it? Do you want to fix it or do you want to win the argument? Because you're going to win the argument. Because I'm fitting the walk out, right? And if that makes you feel like you won, then you won.

[15:52] E: Exactly.

[15:52] Dave: But nothing was resolved. So first of all, man, it's just understanding that we want to resolve the conflict. We want to resolve the issue. And like we were talking about off the air, man, I believe that.

[16:14] Intro/Dez: We.

[16:14] Dave: Have to put the relationship first, right? Are we putting the relationship first? Are we setting aside our feelings and thinking about what's doing right for the relationship? And most of the time, what's doing right for relationship is that we're submitting to one another.

[16:28] E: There you go.

[16:29] Dave: And if we're submitting to one another and I'm listening to your concerns as well as you're listening to my concerns, we can get to some type of resolution about what's going on. But if your goal is just to win the argument, or if your goal is just to get your point across, and if it's all about feelings, you're going to have to help me with.

[16:55] Intro/Dez: This.

[16:59] Dave: Because I struggle that I struggle with feelings is the most important part of relationship. I struggle with that because I can't.

[17:10] Intro/Dez: Be.

[17:13] Dave: Imprisoned or enslaved by your emotions, okay? I can't be governed by your emotions. Understand that I have to be compassionate. Understand that I have to have concern. Understand that I have to, you know, know you enough to know what you're going through. But I can't be governed by your emotions, because if you're an emotional person, do I have to go on that emotional roller coaster with you every day, all day? I have to live my life depending upon how you feel, right? So I struggle with that part of it, and I don't think that I'm knowledgeable enough to talk about it. I'm just letting you all know I struggle with that. And a lot of times that's where especially in my past few relationships, that's where the struggle has been dealing with emotions. But like you said, it's all about resolution. And are we mature enough to put the relationship first to solve the issue as opposed to trying to win the argument or just trying to put the other person down because words hurt?

[18:25] E: Bob says, power of life and death is in the tone. Amen. And we can do a lot of damage with what we say. Amen. And the one person that you should not be damaging is your spouse.

[18:37] Dave: Amen.

[18:38] E: You need her to be built up. You need her to be lifted up. And not if she's and I'm going to say this, not if she's doing it to you.

[18:53] Dave: No *** for tax. Yeah, I agree.

[18:57] E: If we are going to be leaders, it starts with us.

[19:01] Dave: It does.

[19:01] E: And it's almost like if you put money in the ATM, you're going to get whatever you put in that ATM back.

[19:11] Dave: Right.

[19:12] E: And with our wives, I feel it's the same way. It's like, what are you depositing? And we don't even realize how much we're depositing. Sometimes women will look at you and they're studying you. They're studying you. They don't even realize it. And they'll even start talking the way you talk or act from the way you talk in relationship.

[19:30] Intro/Dez: They will?

[19:32] E: Why is that? Because they have the ability to evaluate so much about a situation and a person. That's why they're able to make homes the way they do. Because they do that. And so what are you depositing? And sometimes your wife is really giving you what you've given her and we don't even see it until later on. And it's like, why are you so angry? You were very angry. You didn't think you were being angry, but you was giving me anger. And so in order for me to survive because I've been studying you, I start acting like what I study. And so it's coming back. I don't want to go off too far away from the question. Right. But it is important. So as the husband, as the husband, we have to maintain a steady in the midst of the storm.

[20:27] Dave: Right.

[20:28] E: It's like a ship that's maintained steady. That's not always easy to do. No, but we have to find our places to release that. That's why I thank God for going out with you, Dave, and Rob, and different people, because you are able to go out, talk it out, get it out, and then go back and feel like, okay, I could do this again.

[20:47] Dave: Exactly.

[20:48] E: And not just beat up your spouse and then have to go repent and come back and go through that process all over again. All over again. Yeah.

[20:58] Intro/Dez: Then that's good. Colossians 312 13 says, therefore, as God's chosen ones, holy and dearly love put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Burn with one another and forgiving one another. If anyone has a grievance against another, just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive. Above all, put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. And let the peace of Christ to which you are also called in one body, rule your hearts and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell richly among you and all wisdom teaches admonishing one another through psalms, hymns and spiritual songs, singing to God with gratitude in your heart and whatever you do in word or indeed do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus giving thanks to God's, a father through him. And then it goes on to say 19 husbands, love your wives and don't be better towards I'll say this. It's my small ex dope head knowledge takes a while to turn into heart knowledge. You can know it up here and not practice it in here because once it reaches the heart, that's when you change. You need the head knowledge. You need to know that. You need to know that the Bible actually says that and that's what God is calling you to. But through sanctification that takes time. I don't know how you all deal with but when I deal with arguments, the hardest part for me is when I am dead set on the fact that I'm right but nothing else matters to me. If I'm right, you say sorry and I did. We're fine.

[23:05] E: You're fine.

[23:06] Intro/Dez: But I'm learning that's not how it works.

[23:08] Dave: That's it.

[23:11] Intro/Dez: My wife laughs and doesn't. You drive me crazy because you literally say what you need to say and then you just over it. You back to how you were and I'm sitting around ****** off, I'm mad. I'm reflective of this joint stewing and you expect me to be like you. I can I kind of say what I need to say. You're hungry? I say what I have to say. But that's not life. That's not living with your wife in an understanding way. And I think for me, anything that's challenged me is that that's slow to speak, quick to listen, slow to anger, boy, and I just never knew that I was so angry. I was telling you all that earlier before we started. I'm like, Man, I am so why did that trigger such deep hot pipe and anger in me? Like the blood is boiling and I'm thinking things in my mind that I would never say out loud harmful, hurtful things. Not harmful like I might beat her up but or beat somebody up, but just like my thoughts about someone at that time, I'm like, Lord, I thought, where is that coming from? Is that hurt? Is that trying to protect yourself? Is that pride? Is that like she just got to accept me how I am? I'm just throwing all that stuff out there. I'm not saying it's either one of those, or it could be all of those, but have you all ever felt like that or no, I don't know. That's fine. I'm cool with that. But have you ever had those moments of just like.

[24:52] E: Man, my God, what is not good? Yeah, I think one of the other videos we did, I was talking about how I had ten years just by myself, and most of the time before I even got to that place, I did a bunch of accusing and blaming. Yeah, this is my ex wife. She ain't that. She ain't that. She ain't all this. And it wasn't until I got to a point where I had to deal with me that I really got resolution on what's going on in the inside of me. Sometimes we jump into things to get away from a circumstance or situation, but we never resolve that inner battle that goes on in our minds. And like I said before, we will always, unfortunately, give the problem and most of it to the person that's closest to us, and your wife is the closest person to you. And so it's important for us to recognize that that when we give that to them, it's damaging the relationship. So let me resolve what's going on inside of me. And when you said something about being right, it's a scripture that really blessed me, man. Remember when King Solomon, his first little testing and the lady had a child and it was her child, but the other lady was trying to take her child.

[26:35] Dave: Right.

[26:37] E: That mother loved that child so much that she said, give her the child.

[26:42] Dave: Right.

[26:45] E: For the sake of saving my child, I don't have to be right. I'm right. It's my child. Come on. But for the sake of saving my child and sometimes in relationships, you have to say, for the sake of saving my marriage or for the sake of saving our peace, it doesn't matter that I'm right. That'll come up. God will vindicate you where he's fighting for you. He will vindicate that. He will show her or show you. But when you recognize it's not that, I win this fight, and actually I will win this fight when I do it his way.

[27:24] Dave: Amen.

[27:25] E: Because that's what Christ did. Yeah.

[27:27] Intro/Dez: So what if you're just dealing with a very contemporaryous that's a big word, bitter, angry person every day? Yes. Sounds good. What you're saying? I'm just thinking about people that got talked to and I know got you. I'm just kind of playing devil's advocate. What do you do with someone who's just extremely hard to do with it?

[28:00] E: Okay. Practically, actually, it's the same thing.

[28:06] Intro/Dez: Yes, it is.

[28:06] E: It's not a matter of how extreme or how whatever. We're still obligated as men of God to do a God's wait period. Christ didn't have a different level of love and grace for us in terms of his love. His love said, if you made your bed in hell, I'll find you there. If you ascended upon the high place, I'll find you there. It doesn't matter where you are, Kenneth. I'm going to get there. And that's how we have to be as well.

[28:35] Intro/Dez: Now.

[28:35] E: It's going to take more from you, more of your love. That's why Corinthians says love is patient.

[28:45] Intro/Dez: It endures all things.

[28:46] E: It endures all things. It's all of those different things. That's what love is. It's not just, I want my way while you're acting like that. Show her love. Show her love. The more love you cover her with. And I know it sounds good, but sometimes you got to keep saying it until you believe it.

[29:03] Intro/Dez: Can I give you a brief? It's not my testimony. I got you, tony Evans. Dad. I don't know if you ever heard of that, but Tony Evans dad just applicable to what you're saying. His wife tony Evans father wasn't a Christian. He grew up. I don't think he became a Christian. Tony Evans like 15, and his dad and his mom used to fight. It was just a hellish environment. And one day one of his dad's friends shared the gospel with him and his dad became a Christian. And his wife fought him.

[29:36] Dave: Fought him tooth and nail.

[29:38] Intro/Dez: Tooth and nail. Just hated it. Despised that when she would like his conduct, because she had got used to that chaos and that chaotic life, and so many of us live that. And when she would try to rile him up and he would say, I understand why you mad at me. I apologize. It would anger her more. She hated it because what was he doing? The Bible says that's heaping burning coals on your head, bringing shame on you.

[30:10] Dave: Right.

[30:12] Intro/Dez: He said that. Tony Evans like that went on for a year. A year. Father just gracefully took everything, everything she was thrown at him. You want to pray? No. I was telling no. Go to church. No, I hate it. I like it. Just being very combative, being very hostile towards the Christian life. And his Father just prayed for and prayed for and prayed for and prayed for. And one day she came downstairs, he was in prayer reading this by when she came downstairs and said, I don't know what you're doing. I don't understand how you putting up with me and not yelling at me. I don't know what this change is, but whatever you have, I want it.

[30:57] E: Yes. There you go.

[30:59] Intro/Dez: She became a Christian.

[31:00] E: Wow.

[31:01] Intro/Dez: And that testimony is so powerful that's that love endures all things, that's that do not grow weary and wrong and well, doing that's that commitment to here we go.

[31:15] Dave: God.

[31:20] Intro/Dez: That's just what it is. When we read Colossians, it said, and whatever you do in Word or indeed do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. So those times in my life where you have to humble yourself and acknowledge you just a man, bro, you don't got it. You got to go to the one who did. You got to go to the one who created the same people who spit in his face, created and was about to die for the people that were saying hosanna 3 hours earlier and now calling for his death. And like he about to do that, he bought to endure that cross for the joy that was set before him. What was that joy? Eternal life, being back united with his Father and the joy of having many brothers and sisters. That was the joy. And if our aim in marriage is to glorify Christ first and then enjoy them, if that's our perspective, which is an eternal perspective, I think that's what we need to put rocks in our pockets to give us some stability. I think it's that what you were saying is it's him again? It's that him and then them first, and then them. And while I'm saying that sounds good, Mr. E, but in the midst of it, how did you all deal with it? In the midst of trying to love people, what were your thoughts? That's what I'm trying to get through. What practical things did you do? Or was it just in your head and you just had to keep was it just repeating that to yourself? Yeah, from situations sometimes there was that.

[33:01] E: Again, I don't know. Me and your dad are similar. We have similar personalities. I'm not looking for arguments. I'm not looking for fights. No, that's not even my personality. But at the same time, and I don't have to always be right. I'm not sitting up here saying I'm perfect and I never get upset and I never get mad. I do. But at the same time, I do think that we are obligated by God to seek peace as a man. That's what we're obligated to do. So if it's something that upsets me, I will not say anything. Sometimes to process what I should say and how I should say it. Now, for a lot of people I know that's hard, I'm going to say, I can't speak for you. This is the way God has wired me to be. And so I won't say anything. And when appropriate time, I will in such a way that I feel like I can be heard. Because sometimes you're not being heard. You're just being seen for a lot of actions and a lot of emotions. But you said something about when Christ went through that, he said, Father, forgive them for they know not what they do. When you were talking about Tony Evans dad, I was thinking about how a lot of times anger gets so deep that people don't even and I'm not making an excuse, they don't even realize how angry they are. Yeah, but that peaceful resistance like Martin Luther King did, it speaks volumes. And. It goes further than me going back and forth with you invalid. We're not going to resolve then what we're going to end up doing is saying a bunch of words that you take to your car. You are no good this. And some Christians do that, too. But anyway, no doubt, no doubt.

[35:02] Dave: You lose yourself.

[35:03] E: You lose yourself. You say calling names and saying all these things and then at another moment, away from the argument, the enemy plays that like a loop and reel. They called you this next other, and he's playing your heart and your mind, having you wonder and guess about how you really are. Right? But we can't do that. So, yeah, I put a pause in it, man. I'll put it that way. I've learned how to put a pause in it.

[35:38] Intro/Dez: Proverbs 21 23 says, the one who guards his mouth and tongue keeps himself out of trouble. I think that's what you're talking about. Dad always says it's better to do right than to be right, right?

[35:55] Dave: And that's what Eric was talking about earlier, man. It's better to do the right thing than to be right sometimes, which means to take the conflict out of the situation. Shut up, sometimes, give in, submit and trust God. And God's going to present another opportunity for you to resolve that issue in a more peaceful way.

[36:19] Intro/Dez: It's okay to be angry, though, right?

[36:21] E: Of course it's of course.

[36:25] Intro/Dez: Do you really mean that?

[36:26] Dave: As I've learned from you and some other people, sometimes you have to be angry and you have to show your anger.

[36:33] Intro/Dez: You learned that from me.

[36:34] Dave: Yeah, because you guys, you and Alonzo have helped me because I'm always talking about how I don't like conflict. And you all say some conflict is good.

[36:47] Intro/Dez: Yeah.

[36:48] Dave: Some conflict is needed.

[36:50] E: Yeah.

[36:50] Dave: You know what I mean? So it's good to let people know that you're angry, that you're displeased, that you're disappointed, that you're upset, that you feel disrespected. But the Bible says, but send not.

[37:03] E: Yeah.

[37:04] Dave: Doesn't say don't be angry. It says, but send not, be angry, but send not. So how do you move forward in that anger? And what are you doing with it that you're not being ungodly with it?

[37:21] E: And I'm glad you said that because it also says, anger rests in the bosom of fools.

[37:26] Intro/Dez: Fool gives full vent to his anger.

[37:31] E: You got to release and you got to get rid of that anger because if you don't, it just grows. Just like anything else, it grows and it explodes into something that's going to.

[37:40] Dave: Be completely ugly, destructive. Destructive.

[37:42] E: Yeah.

[37:43] Intro/Dez: And I know Romans talks about, menges is not ours, it's the Lord. And the Lord has anger. So we know that anger is not unholy or God's. Anger is towards unrighteousness, it's towards lawlessness, ungodliness things that harm him. I mean, things that harm people and does not bring him glory. And people created to glorify God and enjoy him forever more. So if you are doing something that's not bringing him glory, it's probably harming someone or something else. And God is angry towards that, righteously angry. So if a woman is sitting on a man's face, mr. E, and saying, you no good, you this calling him b and you ain't nothing. We can't pretend that that dude just going to be like, okay, come on, bro, you're going to be angry, you know what I mean? But to give for men to it and puncture and that's what that domestic stuff again, we're talking from a Christian perspective. We're called out of that life, you know what I mean? We're called out of that and God has given us his spirit. He's poured grace upon grace upon grace on us to deal with those things, those tight situations. But it begs the question.

[39:02] Dave: Here we go.

[39:05] Intro/Dez: It begs the question, but on the other hand yeah, it begs the question what? Why are these men, so many men getting in relationship with such combative women? Like they don't see that coming on a dating stage that they overlook it because she's fine, she looked good. I can change her. She got daddy issues, whatever it is. I was hell bent, bro, on not marrying, what does proverb say, a contentious woman? I think one proverb says it's better to live on the side of a roof, to live with a bit of woman. Brian and that drink ruins it. Does a man? I understand life sold. All of us have times when we do that pause before we go into some house, like, get it together, push up. And that man, that's just dealing with life, dealing with the responsibility of being responsible. But to live with a woman, that's just better. Men hate their lives. So it begs the question, like, why even engage in that relationship, bro?

[40:38] E: Day yeah.

[40:45] Dave: He didn't want to look at each other. You just want to throw it out there like yeah, but I think it goes back to the things that you said when you first started posing the question. As we're ignoring the red flags and we're looking at the physical and above all else, we think that we can change the situation. We think that we have some type of power, some type of influence over people that will help them change into something that we desire more. And in the meantime, we're just going to pacify it or we're just going to deal with it. And I think that's the main thing we get into relationship for all for a lot of different reasons, whether it's sexual, physical, whether we think that we can control the the person or whatever it is. So I think the most important thing that we have to do before we get into those relationships is as Christian, what type of standards do we have? What type of standards do we have for our future spouse? For anybody that we're going to date? Do we have any standards that we're willing to live by? And are we going to compromise those standards? And more likely than not, we're going to compromise those standards. I really believe that we're thinking that we can change somebody. I really do. I think that's the bottom line, because, you know, going in that there's things about this person that you generally don't like, and they don't fit your personality, they don't fit your lifestyle. Speaking particularly about we're talking about a contentious woman. It's a lot of foolishness and a lot of conflict unnecessarily. Because when you're dealing with somebody that's contentious like that, there's a lot of things. A lot of the stuff is just unnecessary. A lot of the foolish is unnecessary. So why are we compromising what we believe? Because I believe that we believe that we can change someone, and we're not trusting God that there's somebody else out there for us, and we have the patience to wait.

[43:25] Intro/Dez: Contentment with Godliness is great, right?

[43:30] E: Sometimes I think we think too highly of ourselves. Sometimes.

[43:34] Intro/Dez: Yes.

[43:35] E: And we feel like we can handle it because it's parts of it that we feel we need. And so we overlook the part that we see. That's a red flag because I'm getting the other part that I feel I need. Very well said, especially if it's a person that has been through bad things or whatever case may be you're available, you're always answering the phone. I don't have to worry about where you are. Yeah, I hear the contentious part, but it's not that bad because it never is at first. It's not that bad. So it's there, but I can ignore that because the part that I need is fueling me right now.

[44:21] Dave: Right now.

[44:22] E: And so as long as I keep that part that's fueling me, I'll ignore the other part, not realizing that it's there and it's going to grow. It's an attachment. It's almost like when you buy a house, it comes with a mortgage. You don't just get the house. There's a mortgage. You don't just get the car. There's a car note. And you can't ignore it. Eventually you're going to have to what? Deal with it?

[44:48] Dave: Exactly.

[44:48] E: Come on. So it's the same thing with that, and we get it. And sometimes we will get into the situation, and before we know it, now we feel like, well, since you were there for me, I owe you to stay. I owe you because you were there for me, so now I owe you. And then we're locked into a situation. I think about Solomon strongman. He knew that Delilah. He knew that they were after it was something wrong, but he played the game because he felt like, I'm a strong man and I can handle it.

[45:24] Dave: I can handle it.

[45:26] E: And one day he wakes up with his what? Haircut. And I say this a lot of time when I talk to my son. Don't ignore the warnings you get. Amen. Because at some point, the warnings will stop and you will have to deal with what was coming after coming.

[45:46] Intro/Dez: Fruit of your living, right?

[45:47] E: Yes. You got to do it. And so all of them little chances he had, because he had another situation with another woman that was very similar, but when he got into that, the chances went, but he kept on going because I'm Solomon, I'm a strong man. And then she used that little magical word, if you love me, right. That phrase you said you love me, but that was not to be honest, to be man, to be mad about it. It ain't your fault, it's mine.

[46:16] Dave: Right.

[46:17] E: Because I should have been man enough and Godly enough amen.

[46:23] Dave: Amen.

[46:24] E: To address what it is that God you showed me. Yes, because he showed I mean, we never fall for something. We don't get blinded as children of God. I don't believe that he loves us too much with his children. You wouldn't let your son or daughter do something if you knew that there was some danger involved. You're going to tell him, right? Our Heavenly Father is the same way. He's going to tell us.

[46:53] Dave: What he said. I think that really encompasses all, is that we think we can handle it.

[46:58] E: Yeah, I got you.

[46:59] Dave: We think we can handle it.

[47:01] Intro/Dez: Don't think yourself more highly than you over.

[47:03] Dave: Measure yourself amen.

[47:04] Intro/Dez: By the measure of faith that God has given you. And I think Proverbs 18, one says, a man who isolated, isolates himself, leads himself to destruction. And I think it's second to me. The first thing that says flee youthful lust. A lot of guys just I said it last week, just be dating in isolation. They don't bring anybody into their life, and then it's too late, and they want everybody help. But you didn't got yourself, like, sinus caught you in this court. It's hard to get out of that. And like, that's the thing. Like, bro, why didn't you say something earlier? Why you ain't bringing them around? You've been with for how long? Six months? Nobody's seen this chick at all. And you just like you know how it is when you first start talking to somebody. You talking, talking all the time. Like, bro, you need other people to come around and say, yeah, I don't know, Brian. Like, I love you. And he that like, there's much counsel, as much wisdom and many counselors and many advisers, and I just think, like, so many times girls and guys are like, and this is as I've been when I was a Christian, I'm like, why are you in this relationship? And it's that thing, and they can change them. Yeah. That is so profitable. And that's the thing that I'm saying. I know I just put out a post on Facebook talking about this exact same thing, just like it's this savior complex. That I know. Me and my dad struggled with where we see a need in someone, we feel like we have to fill it because there's so many needs that was not filled in us. And because of that, we try to save people from that, but we're doing it removed from God. God is all powerful, all wise, and knows all things, and people still will not turn to Him.

[48:56] E: Yeah.

[48:56] Intro/Dez: Why do you think they're going to turn from themselves to you now? Does God use us as agents to change? Yes. With God's mental masterpiece created new for his good works, all that is reality to be a light in this dark world where to come out from among them be. So all that stuff is true, bro. God has changed your hearts, not you. You leave him? You leave them to him. You ain't changing the white heart. And at the end of the day, you have to make hard decisions. I love my wife dearly, but it was things that we had to talk about before she could marry me and I could marry her. Things in our past. You have to be open and honest because you got to give your life to somebody. You got to share it. They should know you. So it was hard decisions that I had to make devoid of my feelings, because I understand in the day when you got to be in a relationship with somebody, you have to ask yourself if this person never changes.

[49:49] E: There you go.

[49:50] Intro/Dez: Can I still live at peace with them?

[49:52] E: There you go. There you go.

[49:54] Intro/Dez: Yeah.

[49:54] E: There you go. Yeah.

[49:55] Intro/Dez: If she never changes, if he never changes from who he is, who she is right now, can I have a flourishing life and still can I have children with this person? And even though everything ain't right, she respects me and loves me. I respect her and love me, and we can make it work if she never changes, nothing. Because when we think we're going to marry somebody, they're going to start changing it. That's not guaranteed, right? That's hopeful.

[50:21] E: And that very same thing that you want her to change becomes the catalyst for you wanting to leave.

[50:29] Intro/Dez: The exact same thing.

[50:32] E: It's never failed. The couples you talk to or whatever the case may be, I used to do that a lot. When I talk to couples, it's like, if this never changes, can you do it? Oh, yeah, it's cool. I don't care. That's fine. When you break up, you ask them, well, what happened? Well, I can't deal with that. But that was the same thing that you said that you could deal with. So actually you thought you can change it. You knew it would change once you get married because maybe you felt like, well, I help them. It's finances. Well, I'll help him with the finances or whatever. Then after a while, I'm tired of helping. I don't want to do that. I shouldn't have to help him. You didn't from the get go, you said you can handle it. It was cool.

[51:18] Intro/Dez: Yeah, man, that whole thing again, we're talking about living this new life like you cannot live life apart from God. Our Texas says people are docking in their understanding because they exclude it from the life of God and they're walking in ignorance. Christians should not be walking in no ignorance, bro. That's why you say, oh, you don't see the red flag. And if you don't can't ignore that. God not going to let you walk him into that. No, bra. You chose that. And then when you got to live with the consequence, now you mad everybody, and you mad at the person. I'm like, but blaming God, you blaming God. I think Proverbs talks about a man, makes a ruin of his life and then he blames God. That's not God's wisdom. God would have told you, don't even get in that relationship, bro. What does she have to offer? I'm talking about as a Christian, does she know anything about the Bible? Not does she go to church? Is she growing in her faith and Godliness to God more than you? Yes. I'm not saying you have got to be the same level spiritual lead. I always think the man should know more than the woman. That's not hating. That could be that could be that could be that can be controversial. But I think the man should I think it's on the man to be the priest of his home. And the man needs to know the word through and through, because you can't wash somebody or something. You may not know that's it he needs to take on that responsibility and not use it to bully her, make her feel bad because she doesn't know I've been there. That's not what you do, use it to build her up. But I see that so often, a lot of relationships and the anger and the arguments, because you just got two contentious people. I mean, beyond just the normal everything shouldn't make you go off in a frenzy, bro. Everything shouldn't be catastrophic. But I noticed it's, the small things. It's the big thing. You don't talk about it, you pass it. You're not saying anything. You notice it, but you ain't saying nothing.

[53:31] Dave: Right.

[53:32] Intro/Dez: And my biggest thing to both you are is I have to literally look myself in the mirror and say, why can't you just say what you just said but gently? Why does that have to come out so wrong all the time? Like it's wrong with you?

[53:44] Dave: Yeah, that's it.

[53:45] Intro/Dez: Would you want somebody to talk to you like that? Because I'm the most sensitive dude in the world. I mean, ****. Top of a hat, boy. Somebody yelling, me. I'm like, whimpering, but why can't you just my wife like, that's me. You're not wrong. But why are you talking to me like that? So it's not about what you say. It's how you sand it. So the way I can talk to you as a man, but come on, right? Get yourself together. I can't talk to a woman like that. One of my friends says, live with your wife as a garden that you're trying to spring up. You want it to be nice, and you want to look like you wanted to produce for you. You just gonna go trample through that joint. Or you can walk softly and swiftly. You go walk soft. You go and watch your steps. You don't want to step on that. That route that's growing up. You don't want to step on that breath. He said that's your wife, she's a garden, well tuned garden that you're trying to plush up and get right? And that's how you should treat her. And dudes be rough around the edges. Edges. That doesn't mean that they're not a Christian. They just got to learn. Oh, yeah, they got to learn from Odom. In examples. Because the Bible is one thing, but you do need flesh and blood sometimes. And that's why God gives the church, because you need that flesh and blood to say, yeah, bro, I don't know if I want to set it like that. I want to set it like this so that it's not negative all the time. Use mr. E, have you thought about it like this?

[55:08] E: But.

[55:12] Intro/Dez: One of the most convicting thing about me is Desmond Newt can do that with other women, but with my wife, low patience. And I'm like, what? Is that, like, familiar?

[55:22] Dave: And Lord, if your wife tempt if your wife sees that she has just.

[55:27] Intro/Dez: Like I mean, you've been like when I see you talk to people about the faith and talk to people about this and you're just so patient, and you so kind, and you sit there and answer their questions, but with me, you fly off the rail. And I think it's like this thing of like, why don't you notice? How long have you been with me? It's pride at the end of the day. Pride. You just keep saying that. Mr. E no one should get what your wife is. No one should be treated better than your wife. But that's a problem. Mr. Eat like, this is stuff that this is stuff that's leading to divorce, what we're talking about, because it is I don't know. I can't put my finger on it. It's like the pain, it's the unforgiveness, the betrayal, the feeling unloved, I guess all that stuff goes into, like, I'm not going to treat them right. I'm not going to treat them right. But is that Godly, though?

[56:22] E: It's not. But I'm going to tell you one thing me and my wife did do when we were dating, when we were dating, one thing we did do is we started praying together. As a preacher, you pray for anybody and everybody all day long. Yeah. And you will be surprised how many preachers don't even pray with their wives. And that was a conviction that I had in that process of being by myself. Yeah. If you're going to get with somebody, learn how to pray with them. They're your partners at the very bare minimum. And I'm not saying have a turn service, just basically simply grabbed their hands and pray with your wife. We do that Monday through Friday. We pray in the morning and I've been doing it the entire time. And it will change relationships. It's practical. Make it practical. It's that simple. We bring people, situations and all of that to God. We pray for one another every morning. Weekends, we miss it. It's crazy because we're home on a weekend together. I don't know what that is. But anyway, no routine.

[57:41] Dave: And got that routine right.

[57:44] E: But adding prayer makes a difference in a family, but especially a couple. And when you do that, I think you diffuse a lot of the enemy's attempt to get you all divided because you're becoming one. And the only way we can become one is around God. So by doing prayer together, that puts it first. Communicating, like you said, honestly and openly communicating. And I'm not saying I do all of this right all the time, I don't. But that is very important. That's your partner. Even if we started a business right now, we're going to be talking on the phone every day. This is what we're doing. This is what we're trying to do. Why? Because we're trying to build this business. Well, you're trying to build a family. Who better to talk to than the person you're building it with? And their opinions and their points matter. And I'm going to be honest, that's hard sometimes, too, because as men, we're processing it on our head. I don't always like to share because I had this thing, I got it and I need to do it a certain way.

[58:55] Dave: Me too.

[58:56] E: And I feel like my wife is going to come in and mess it up.

[59:01] Dave: That's my process.

[59:03] E: And especially if you've been single for a while. I was single raising kids and it was like, I have to keep this going on. I got kids, do what I want to do. But I had to realize she was single too. Her kids father had passed away, so she was single too. So she did it processed that way. So that was something we had to work through because we learned how to do it our way. Now we have to let somebody in and we got to communicate. And I can't just do it. If you wake up one day, oh, I didn't know you were going to buy that. I didn't know you were going to do that. That's a problem. There's a lot that we could talk about. But I do want to drop that on you. Learn how to pray with your spot, not you. But you said to me, learn how to pray with your wife. Especially you a man of God. Don't just pray to God. Pray with your wife to God. And I believe that that's the best place to start.

[01:00:04] Intro/Dez: That's the most practical thing. I think I wrote the other day, I think I posted something. I say, when you introduce God to anything, he changes everything.

[01:00:13] E: There you go. There you go.

[01:00:15] Intro/Dez: When you introduce God to anything, he changes everything. Like, that man in his pride that's been in his pride will not take it to God. Because again, I can fix it. I can change it. I can do it. That's the fall literary saying, I can do this without God. That's what we want it, and God gave it to us. We say, I don't think I can do that. I always quote this. But anything that thinks spurgeon said with anything that makes you pray is a blessing. Nothing has drawn me more to the Lord than seeing Lord. I literally and people get on me all the time like, man, you beat yourself up on I was like, man, what? At this point, I'm like, whatever. That's freedom for me to say, bro, ain't nothing good in me. I look at myself and I'm like, bro, you are like, boy, you are something else, bro. You didn't get yourself together. And that's freedom for me. Because the Bible tells me, yes, you are something else. No one does good. No, not one. None of us. All of us are like sheep going away from the stray, going astray. But God, in his condition, his love looked at us this whole Christmas season is saying to the world, jesus was born to say, I will not leave you in your sin. I will not leave you in your mess. I knew you before you were born, before you were shaped in your mother's womb. I knew you. And I made a way for you to come back to me. And that's through your son. That's through my son, Jesus Christ. And I did all that to show you how much I love you with that same love. Love her with that same love. Love your official love. Yeah, that's the type of love that's like, great caveat, by the way.

[01:01:58] E: Can I drop this in there before? Because I never get my go somewhere. Because I said pray with your wife. I want to be clear. Let your wife pray too. I remember the first time she wouldn't mind me saying I remember the first time I asked her to pray. We were dating, she coughed, and she did all I was like, why are you doing that? Let's go get it together. Yeah. She's like, I'm a little nervous. You pray this way? I said no. Just talk to God. Just talk. Just talk. A few months in, especially now, but a few months in, I heard this woman just honestly pray to God. I thought about what Jesus said to his disciples. I will make you fishermen and men. We are making them something. And when we give them the opportunity to do, they grow. And man, my heart smiled, man. Amen. Yeah. My heart, even to this day when she pulls me up, eric, we need to pray. Amen. My heart smiled because this woman that was coughing yeah, it's not coughing but.

[01:03:17] Dave: Flowing found her voice.

[01:03:19] E: Yeah.

[01:03:20] Intro/Dez: You freed her up to do that, but you back. Yeah.

[01:03:22] E: You back up. Yeah. And I had to bring it up because, you know, I didn't want it to be like I pray. I pray with my wife. I pray with my wife. I let my wife pray with me.

[01:03:32] Intro/Dez: So y'all pray.

[01:03:33] E: So we pray. Okay.

[01:03:37] Intro/Dez: As imitators of God, ephesian says that we dearly love children because we are loved. We'd walk in love as Christ also loved us and gave himself for us a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. That's the type of love God wants us to have towards him and towards other sacrifice. To deny yourself and say, you know what? She's more important.

[01:04:05] E: Amen.

[01:04:08] Intro/Dez: Even though men just walk by sight so much, men walk by faith. That's why it's a miracle when a man really you can tell a man has been changed by Christ. It's a miracle because that will. And a man women, too, not being there, but that will of a man that to pull him away from that self righteousness and that self ideology and the idol of himself that me, myself and I, God had. The Lord is mighty because we just will. I mean, people in hell right now, god gave them chance after chance at the chance and they would not be their knee, bro.

[01:04:48] E: Yeah.

[01:04:50] Intro/Dez: And they going to suffer eternally for that decision. Does that mean that God did not have the power?

[01:04:56] E: No.

[01:04:58] Intro/Dez: One of the prophet says, is the Lord on too short to say no, he's all powerful. But if you keep stiff arm in God, you keep grieving his spirit, god may give you what you want. One of the worst things God can do is to give you exactly what you want.

[01:05:17] Dave: Exactly.

[01:05:18] Intro/Dez: So if you keep and a dude would like, stay with a girl because she just she doing them. She's giving them sex. I'll put up everything. As long as you do that, talk to dudes like that. I'm like, Bro, you just don't know yourself. And I was challenged with that in a lot of relationships I was in because I didn't know who I was. I was trying to find myself in them. Shouldn't have been with these women, Brian. Nothing. They combative. One girl saying, man doesn't I can't be with you. I just feel like you don't tell me, shut the f up.

[01:05:50] Dave: You won't tell her.

[01:05:51] Intro/Dez: She said that on her mouth. But that's a bitter woman. She feel. Like, that's how she got getting talked to to feel like she loved. Bro, she walking in darkness, right? She walking in the futility of her mind. She does not she is removed from the life of God, but that stuff is out there. And why would you be with a woman like that? Because you don't know who you are. But once I once I knew and I started to get assembling, okay, I'm loved with the Lord. I can go and talk to my wife and say, look, this is a big thing for me, and I love you, I want to be with you, but if this not going to change, if we can't change this, then I'm a cry. But Deuces, that was before we were engaged, and she respected me so much for that brother.

[01:06:31] Dave: Sort of conversations you need, but you.

[01:06:33] Intro/Dez: Had to but I had those conversations, but I couldn't do that.

[01:06:35] Dave: And so many of us didn't have those conversations while we were courting or dating. Whatever we want to say, man, we didn't have those tough conversations where we let it be known that I'm willing to walk away or just walking away. This ain't for me. This is not what I want. This is not a relationship that I'm called to be in and just walk away. Because, man, it's nothing like peace. You can't find peace in that relationship, man. That is hell. You know? That is torture. That is that is an awful existence, man. When you just you walking on eggshells, you got to think before you say everything, because you don't want to cause conflict, every little thing. It's just a hard life to live. And like you said earlier, you had the choice before God showed you. God warned you before, and you just generally saw what this person was like, and you ignored it. Or you said, I can handle it. Yeah, until this person gets it right. And we don't have to live like that. If you're just courageous enough and trust God enough, because like you said before, a lot of us believe in God. But do we trust him? I believe him. I know he exists, and I know that. Do I trust Him enough to be my all and all? Do I trust Him enough to be my joy, my comfort, my peace, my love to fill that void in my heart for what I'm lacking at this moment? Do I trust him to do that. And a lot of us don't. We're not courageous. We're not brave enough to do that.

[01:08:34] Intro/Dez: And we give up. Like, we give up my pharmacy. We give up. James says trials produced that stuff in us, but when the trial comes, we don't want it, and we give up. We like, this getting too hard. I'm going to turn this strain off. We give up. And we don't stand and see the salvation of the Lord. You don't stand and see the salvation of the Lord, man. And practically speaking, bro, man, it's times when I cry. I just cry. I go to the Lord and I just like I don't know what to do.

[01:09:11] Dave: My life choices.

[01:09:12] Intro/Dez: Yes. That's what I cry about, living in that regret. Yeah, bro.

[01:09:16] Dave: The choices that I made, that's what I cry about. Because those are the choices that cause me to waste. I have so much wasted time that I can't get back. Time that ruined the damage relationships that I had to do damage control on. Because the choices that I made, I.

[01:09:39] E: Cry about the people that hurt. Yeah. Because of my choices. Because of your choices. My kids and a lot of people that I know were dependent on some people say, I don't care. That's not me. And I don't think God has given us that kind of a heart.

[01:09:56] Dave: But like you said, when you mature enough to move away from the blame game yeah. The only one that's left is who you're the only one left.

[01:10:05] E: That's it.

[01:10:06] Dave: So it comes down to the choices that I've made that I'm responsible for. And you have to hold yourself accountable for that and also forgive yourself.

[01:10:16] E: There you go. That's big. Yeah.

[01:10:18] Dave: You also got to forget yourself.

[01:10:20] E: Yeah.

[01:10:21] Dave: You got to forgive yourself, grow and move on. And that's repentance turning away from it. And don't do it again.

[01:10:27] E: There you go. Don't stay stuck.

[01:10:30] Dave: Don't stay stuck.

[01:10:31] E: Don't stay stuck. That's it.

[01:10:37] Intro/Dez: The test of your repentance has changed.

[01:10:41] E: Yeah, it's changed.

[01:10:43] Intro/Dez: Not all at once, but it's changed. And what you all are saying, I think the Bible says I think David said it well. He said you don't want to sacrifice, so I forgive it. You're not pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifice, pleasing to God is a broken spirit. You will not despise you will not despise a humbled heart God. That's the reality, man. The reality is you need to be humbled. You're going to be humbled through trials and tribulations. God send those things sends those things to us to show us who we are. Oh, you think you because you got some Bible knowledge, Desmond? And because people liking your statuses, Desmond, because you say something and people jumping on you, they want your number and they want you to talk here. And everybody's saying how wise you are to be young. You think you arrive? Nah, bro. You don't even know how to go in the house and say hi to your wife when you walk. Going to do it. You don't know how to go in a house and treat your children the way that they deserve to be treated, the way that you were actually treated. You doing the same thing. You walk into the same way. Your ancestors, that's biblically said you're doing the same thing, but you wise. But you know, you're in my 23, 24, man. Boast that you know me. Let your boast be nothing but that. You know me and you understand my ways. Is that your boss? Is that your boss? Is that my Bose? And if we work towards that goal, let my boats be that. I know the Lord not self righteously, but I didn't put in the work that 100%, 100%. I remember you said they should be 50, 5100 percent. God given 100 and you given 100. And that's how relationships grow, total commitment. And when you fail, what does God say? He won't reject broken spirit, a humble heart. When you're humbled by your sin, when you see you for who you really are and you're humble and you see it in light of the gospel, god lifts up his law and says, this is my standard. And you see you way down here, you don't do Adam and blame. You say, Lord, what that dude saying, Luke? He said, man, he stood afar and beat his chest and say, Lord, I'm a sinner. But other dude came to temple like, man, I pay my ties, I go to every church service, I tend to front row, I donate all this money. I never ever cussed in my life. I fast four times a day, three times on the weekends. I'm getting it in. And Christ is one left justified and one left a rebel. One justified a cane. He stood afar, won't even look up his head to heaven. He's humble, it's broken by his sin. Let that break you. You don't get that watching ESPN all day. You don't get that watching skipping Shannon all day. You don't get that watching YouTube all day. You don't get that watching Sports all day. You don't get that by not spending time with your wife. You don't get that by seeing, I do better. That's the stuff that changes communities. That's the stuff that changes lives. That's the stuff that changes individuals. And I just want to change, gentlemen. I just want to change. Yeah, I'm getting a little passionate, but I don't care about a lot of other stuff. Why can't I get that, right? That's the stuff that matters. A lot of stuff just don't matter. That's what matters. I just want to do what God says, right? And I have this flesh, I have the devil, I have the world, and I have me myself. And I fight and tooth and nail to say, no, we want our way. But as soon as you say, you got to turn from that old way that's corrupted with deceitful desires, wrong desires, confuse and desires and submit to God. That's what James says. Flee the devil, he'll flee. Once you start submitting, submit, resist, and he'll flee. Resist, submit to God's word. God's word said, I need to be compassionate, kind and live with this woman in an understanding way. Lord, I don't know what that looks like. I've never done that in my life. I've never put that in practice. But you said, don't do it. I'm praying that you give me the strength to do it. And every day it could just be walking in, grabbing my wife by her face and kissing her mouth. Why? Hey, baby, I love you.

[01:14:57] E: That's it. Even when it's hard shooting a text.

[01:15:00] Intro/Dez: In the middle of day. Hey, I'm just thinking about you. Hey, do you need me to take the girl so you can just go to the grocery store by yourself? It's all those things, but it's not. Moons always tell me it's not one time. Dude, you know they do.

[01:15:18] E: Can I get something tonight?

[01:15:27] Intro/Dez: That didn't work. I knew there was a motive behind it, so that's why I need you guys. I need you to say the thing. I need you to say what you said. It's not one time. We played a long game. Men cast long nets and long visions, and we don't grumble when we don't see it working right now. I mean, I want this podcast to grow, bro. I really do. Right now, looking at it, it's okay. I wish it was more, but I'm in for the long term. It's going to get better. We're going to keep learning. We're making additions. If I cared that much about a podcast, that's here today, gone tomorrow, I am measured by this, but I will be measured by my wife, and I just want to do better by her. She deserves better. The best thing I can do is give her a better husband. The best thing I can do for my children is to give my wife a better husband, because then they'll start to see, I got old girls. This is what a man is supposed to look like. This is how he's supposed to treat his wife. And how many men are discouraged by the choices their daughter's making when it comes to men? When they weren't there, what can they really say? You didn't give her no example. You ain't give her nothing to look forward to. So when she get this dude that's tatted up from his ankles to his dread, put on a facade like he a nice guy, but you know what's going on. What can you really say?

[01:16:58] E: Yeah.

[01:16:59] Intro/Dez: What did you leave her?

[01:17:01] Dave: Somewhere in the Bible, I think it's in James that says it's a sin to know what to do and not to do it.

[01:17:08] E: All that stuff that you were just.

[01:17:09] Dave: Saying, you got the formula? We got the formula. We got to understand it. We got the head knowledge. We just got to be intentional about it.

[01:17:21] Intro/Dez: It's not the no one is to do it.

[01:17:23] Dave: And I think just like with anything, man, once we have to commit to.

[01:17:27] Intro/Dez: It.

[01:17:30] Dave: As athletes, when we decide that we want to do something, that we want to get better at something, we commit to it. You know what I mean? And as husbands and as fathers and as men, we have to be intentional about committing to things that we want to change and that we want to get better. At scientifically, they say as it takes how many days for something to become a habit? Some people say 21. But the similarity is that there has to be a consistent commitment to it, a effort to it every day for a certain period of time before we become a habit. And like I always said, long's always shared with me when he was counseling me, you know, we'll talk about the problem, we'll talk about the goal, and then the next thing he'll say is, what practical things can we put into place right now to get to where we want to get to? What are we going to do on a daily basis? What are you going to do intentionally do to get to that level?

[01:18:33] E: You know what I mean?

[01:18:34] Dave: I'm going to text my wife every day, every day before I leave out the house, no matter what, I'm going to kiss my wife every day I walk in the house. I'm going to greet my wife with a kiss before I do anything else. Every day I'm going to tell my wife that I love her every day. I'm going to build an atmosphere of intimacy without sex. Can we do that?

[01:18:56] E: Yeah.

[01:18:57] Dave: Can we practice intimacy without intercourse? That's the atmosphere that we want to create.

[01:19:07] E: That's the atmosphere.

[01:19:08] Dave: If we want our wives to respond to us in a way that we want them to respond to us, what type of atmosphere are we creating? Are we showing them that I love you even if we're not doing this? And watch what God do.

[01:19:26] Intro/Dez: You introduce God to anything to change.

[01:19:28] Dave: Watch what God did. Because this is what I told Dwayne a long time ago, my son Dwayne, a long time ago when he was going through you just stay obedient. You stay obedient to God doing God's word. You consistently be you. And three things are probably going to happen with the people that you're struggling with for the situation you're struggling with. Either they going to leave you alone, right? They're going to realize that you're changing and they're going to change. Or the last thing is he's going to change the way that you respond to those people, even if they don't change. Because even if they don't change, he's going to change the way it affects you.

[01:20:11] E: That's it.

[01:20:13] Dave: So either way, God is going to work that thing out. But the constant in that is you and your obedience. Do we trust God enough to let God be God because he's shown what he can do?

[01:20:30] Intro/Dez: His track record is his track isn't perfect.

[01:20:35] Dave: You know, he's never failed us. Yeah, 2000 years, 4000 years, all the way back. He's he's never failed us, man. And but we get in our own way so often by like you said earlier, we figure we can change it. We figure that we can handle it. And we figure that we don't need and I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's like we feel like I can't bother God with this. Is that what it is?

[01:21:04] Intro/Dez: It's not that important. Yeah. Yes.

[01:21:10] E: I got this. Yeah. We tell God I got this.

[01:21:15] Intro/Dez: Mr. E. Culture tells us that though we're more affected, every one of us more affected more by the courtroom in God's word. That's why Romans twelve says you need to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Throw off the customs and traditions that you're conforming into. I mean to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And Mr. E, like you passed, you council. I was just don't read the Bible. I'm keeping it a stack.

[01:21:49] E: Yeah.

[01:21:50] Intro/Dez: Members just don't read their Bibles. You just say, did you notice? And it's not you trying to be like contentious or being a jerk. It's just like, did you know that God word? I mean, how we doing this show? You'll say something like, you know what God's word? But it's because you spend time in it. Even though yes, I always say soul work is slow work. The work of the soul is slow. It takes time to be so infested by sin and deceitfulness and pride and anger and rebellion. So it's going to take time for you to submit to God's word. But the more you do it, the more you know Him. And you see this is for my good, for God's glory and for my good. You keep practicing it because be like good things. Be like good gifts. And Bible says God gives good gifts. Jesus says God gives good gifts. So he wants to bless his people, but it has to be his way on his terms, by his rules. If you're trying to get God's blessing without Him, you're in a dollar church and you don't really know what you're doing. And the Bible is what we men pick up and read or you got to read. If you don't know, go to men like Eric, go to the Uncle Lonzos, go to your pastor. They'll be thrilled to say for you to come up there and say, you read the Bible with me, bro. They'll probably do a cocktail on the middle of the floor.

[01:23:09] E: Right.

[01:23:10] Intro/Dez: Because they don't get that a lot. They get women saying that a lot. But there's not a lot of menace because men will not omit their weakness that you don't know. It's okay not to know. The byproduct is stand ignorant. Ignorance is not the issue. It's stand ignorant. Go ahead. I'm going to let you have your.

[01:23:25] E: Last no, I was just going to say it's something in us that once it gets turned on, we drive towards that thing that we really want. And I think that's the challenge that we're facing. There's so many different things pulling at us in this world that are telling us we can do this, and we'll be okay. And more and more, we're seeing it on TV, and we're seeing people that seem like they're progressing and flowing. And the enemies, his job is to deceive. It's a deception, and they feel like they're flowing, but you don't even know. We get high off of minutes of a clip or Facebook post or whatever the case may be, and you don't even know. At home, they probably don't even talk to each other, but they smile full picture. And you want to make something like, I want to be like him. I want to be like this. I want to be like that. Many of us don't get to that point where the prodigal son got to where he came to himself.

[01:24:18] Intro/Dez: Come on, brother.

[01:24:18] E: Amen it wasn't until he came to himself many of us will sit in that hog pin and try to figure out, how can we make this situation better? How can I have fun pig pen? How can we turn this into a play pin?

[01:24:35] Dave: Wow.

[01:24:36] E: And the pig pin becomes a play pin. And we're throwing dollar bills and all of that stuff, and we feel like we're having the time of our life, but we don't even realize all we had to do was come to ourselves and say, oh, my father's servant.

[01:24:55] Intro/Dez: Just treat a bell in it, father.

[01:24:58] E: Forget the servant part. I got a relationship with God. I'm still his son. I'm talking to people. When we got out there, I was doing things. I was out here doing my thing. It wasn't until I came to myself and realized that's my father my father loves me. My children could do anything. They can come to me. They better not do it, but they can come to me and say, dad, I'm a transvestite. I'm going to look at you like something is wrong. Yeah, but that's my son. And I'm going to love my son no matter what my son does and what he looks like and who he is, because it's my son. And what's connecting me, the blood. And when we come to ourselves and recognize that our father loves us more than anybody else on this earth, we'll say, you know what? I can do better than that.

[01:25:51] Dave: I can do better than us.

[01:25:52] E: Amen I remember one time, man, this is just being real. I was in somebody's bed, and I sat up and said, why am I doing this?

[01:26:02] Intro/Dez: Yeah.

[01:26:03] E: I'm better than this. Yeah. And it was that moment that I didn't just roll over and try to make it feel better, but I got to go. And it was after realizing that my life started really changing. You say that closeness to God, and I'm telling you, you're not going to just have one moment with that in a long walk. No, it might not be to that degree.

[01:26:28] Dave: Right.

[01:26:29] E: But you're going to have challenging moments from time to time, and you got to stop and say, I'm better than.

[01:26:33] Dave: I'm better than this.

[01:26:35] E: God made me for more than this. There's more in me than what I'm doing and causing myself to think, that's good right now. No, God got more for me. Let me go back to my father. Because that's the only place the manufacturer is the only place that knows how to straighten me out. Amen. And when you go back to your father, guess what? He didn't make him go through a whole bunch of whatever.

[01:27:01] Dave: No.

[01:27:02] E: He just hugged on them, loved them and restored them. And restored them. Amen. He asked Peter three times, do you love me? Man, I know you did me wrong. Do you love me? Feed my sheep. Tend to my lamps.

[01:27:17] Intro/Dez: Clean you up, get back on you good. Got your brain. And that's the thing. I think that's the main point, bro. Like, God's grace goes down to the depths of our soul. When we think, when we're unfaithful, God is not unfaithful. When we're faithless, God is still faithful. What is he? God called us out for his own glory. God's glory will be done throughout the whole earth like we're his masterpiece. And God will not give up on us. We give up on God, but he will not give up on us. Now, there's consequences when we come back. I know those consequences are coming from a loving father.

[01:28:04] Dave: Exactly.

[01:28:05] Intro/Dez: Not a tyrant. So I just thought that was a great way to end that brother, because I think we did get practical. I think we did talk about what that looks like. We talked about anger being mistreated, how to deal with it. We acknowledged and we confessed our sins to one another. We kept it real. We talked about what makes us cry.

[01:28:32] E: About four or five.

[01:28:39] Intro/Dez: But yeah, man, I think that was good. This has been the Life podcast, where we filter our thoughts through God's laws, we filter our perspectives through God's perspective, and we filter our ways through God's wave. I was joined by the smoothest man in the land, creepy. Call himself man, who levitates, dave who's dead. Say bye to the people.

[01:29:04] Dave: Much love, people. See you next time.

[01:29:06] Intro/Dez: And the sage, the wise, the one.

[01:29:13] E: Goodbye, everybody. God bless you.